Dog Days of Politics

I was perusing the web today and came across this article by Byron York at the National review. He was outlining the position of Moveon.org in the whole Cindy Sheehan thing. What I found most interesting was this point, "On its website, MoveOn offered protesters what amounted to a pre-fab vigil kit, including talking points, a "sample media advisory," and pre-designed signs — placards that read MOMS FOR PEACE and MEET WITH CINDY and, apparently for pet lovers, DOGS FOR CINDY."

As a blog dedicated to the idea of dog ownership, I suppose it is incumbent upon me to inlcude my pooch Maggie into the great political discussions of the day. I am somewhat embarrassed that it required the forethinking of a Moveon.com demonstration to spark this revelation. After all, Maggie is known for spending her afternoons taking in talk radio, perusing the Weekly Standard and Mother Jones, and participating in the dog equivalent of blogging - barking at random strangers who cross the yard.

Without further adieu, I give you Maggie:

BILL: So Maggie, welcome to the blog. As you know, the name dogparkwalker is very much inspired by our relationship. But I gotta ask you, are you a Republican or a Democrat?

MAGGIE: Well, I have to demur. I really thought Maureen Dowd had a good thing going as she remained coy about her ideology and partisan affiliation. That veneer has since been ripped away, and so has the joy of reading Maureen.

BILL: I think some would argue that you are a democrat. Afterall, you are dependent on me for food, beg for additional food which is not yours, and are easily frightened by thunder, guitars, and Franklin.

MAGGIE: Let me address the food issue - I'm a dog. Food is my life. I am very grateful that you provide a bowl of dry stuff forsustenancee, but am doubly grateful for the nibbles of vittles which you enjoy in mass quantities. Am I slightly bitter? Yes, yes I am. However I recognize there is an order of things. I'm quite confident I could find food on my own, however this would involve many dumpsters and carci of small creatures. We are honestly better off in this traditional relationship.

As for my fear of guitars, thunder and Franklin... let's just say they all stem from my fear of Franklin.

BILL: What's so frightening about Franklin?!?

MAGGIE: I'd rather not say...

BILL: Alright... now some say you might be a conservative. Afterall you have been known to chew up my issues of Mother Jones while leaving the Weekly Standard intact.

MAGGIE: About the Mother Jones thing. I was young, impetuous, and liked to chew things. Every Mother Jones article I read was a variation of 6 Degrees of Big Oil. Take on the merits of an argument? Nope. Put forth a reasonable and progressive alternative to their opponents? Uh-uh. Show how some guy's grand father's cousin owned shares of Standard Oil? AH-HA! GOTCHA! Again, I was young, impetuous, and driven to chew by the drivel inside.

As for the Weekly Standard, while I didn't always agree with those neocons, at least they made cogent arguments that didn't drive me to chewing destruction. Besides, it didn't taste very good.

BILL: What about your appreciation of Garage Logic?

MAGGIE: This may come as a surprise, but dogs can't tell time. When old Souchy boy comes on I know that one of two things will happen. You'll either take me to the dog park or Franklin will come home and terrify me yet again.

BILL: So Maggie, what's your take on the Cindy Sheehan stories out of Crawford, TX.

MAGGIE: My main concern in all things is the general welfare of dogs everywhere. War is never a good thing for dogs. Owners die, we step on land mines, water gets dirty - it's nasty stuff. However, I understand the purpose of this war is to diminish the opportunities for crazy muslims to bring the war to America. I can appreciate this goal.

After all, you had your buddy from Iraq come back and tell what was going on over there. One thing that really struck me was that in the 6 months he was there killing and capturing insurgents - the vast majority were Syrians, with a good number of Iranians, a few Iraqis and even a suspected North Korean sniper. It really sounds like the war in Iraq isn't against Iraq, it is against every other crazy anti-American in the world.

It brought to mind that Iraq is serving as a proxy battlefield for America's enemies. Personally I much prefer they fight there than at the dog park.

Mother Sheehan is right now indistinguishable from Mother Jones. While I have grown and no longer feel an urge to chew that which annoys me, in this case I am tempted. Right now she is only expressing her ignorance and idiocy and cloaking it in the honor of her son's service.

BILL: Do you have any suggestions for Democrats or centrists?

MAGGIE: Yes! There is a valid critique of Bush's policies in Iraq and in the war on terror. What we need as a country is for Democrats to step up and not just stop at the critique of Bush. They need to provide real alternatives and real solutions to fighting terrorism. Right now you can boil down the left's policies, such as they are, to leaving the middle east entirely and creating Fortress America with better harbor (but not border) security. This is not a reasonable response, thus we can't have a reasonable discussion of alternatives. All we have is Bush doing his thing, Republicans calling it good, and Democrats calling it bad.

BILL: And Cindy Sheehan...?

MAGGIE: She simply perpetuates the unproductive tact of the "debate" we are failing to have.
BILL: Maggie, I had no idea you had such strong opinions.

MAGGIE: Well, you never asked before. Now let's go to the park.